Chickens and Medicine

Firstly, Dr. Steve Rennard, of the University of Nebraska has shown that chicken soup activates macrophages( a significant cell in the immune system) suggesting that chicken soup is good for a cold, but that's beside the point here.

I'm a little late on this but I can't let it go without comment. Sue Lowden, Republican candidate for Senator, in Nevada, made some comments on chickens and their usefulness in obtaining health care last month. All is contained on YouTube. If you just search sue lowden, it will be hard to miss. Briefly, she suggested at a taped campaign stop that part of her platform for health care reform would have been pretax savings accounts, which have existed for years, and barter. Seriously. Then she went on television in Nevada and not only stood behind her campaign suggestion but started to suggest patients who pay cash with their doctor may want to bring a chicken instead, 'you're doctor will understand'.

Those of you who know me may think that I'm loud, indiscreet or inappropriate with humor, but I'm usually pretty cool when patients who aren't able to pay. I don't really get that upset. And I have done my share of free care. But to have a politician suggest that people start taking their chickens to the business office of a large group of physicians... it would drive the accountant/s nuts. He or she isn't set up for something like this and that would involve more paper work and perhaps approaching a CEO or COO that would only belittle the accountant since it would seem apparent that accounting school should teach non monetary accounting, including chickens, vegetables, rabbits and ducks. Larger animals become problematic. As an aside, I once had a patient offer me a sperm whale for a bronchoscopy but I turned him down since the bronch wasn't that expensive. We stopped accepting sperm whales though since they are not fish.

In case you missed it Steven Colbert conveyed this anecdote-if you have an emergency cardiac catheterization and stent placement, $40,000 ballpark figure, you can just show up with a chicken, and everything will be just fine. He suggested that a live chicken was $8 dollars which would mean that full payment would include about 5,000 chickens. You better have allergies or a cold.

Also, it only seems fair to expect others to accept chickens if doctors have to accept chickens since the barter system would break down if only some participated. So I would expect when I walked into that GM dealership in Renton, WA and asked for the biggest, blackest Escalade on the lot that dealer better be ready with the chicken coops because those hens are gonna be IN HIS FACE.

If this chicken thing became common would it be necessary to change our financial capitol from Manhattan to Little Rock? Perhaps the financial reports would be broadcast by a big chicken...OK...you are rightfully wondering when this will stop.

BUT,

Two issues: how do you get a chicken into a parking meter slot and how do you deposit a chicken at the bank through one of those security windows?

And of course, I would want to get in on this bartering myself since I think I can haggle with the best. You might see me at the Farmer's Market on a Saturday asking, 'How much for a bushel of snap peas?' and 'Could I offer you a discounted flexible sigmoidoscopy for flock of yams?' And by the way, these chickens are dead. Could I put a deposit on that sweet corn?